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Funnies

22 Aug

The funnies are… well, funny. I will post a few jokes under the post “funnies” every few days to a week. It will mostly consist of jokes, but possibly other humorous things as well. If I offend anyone, tell me and I will take the joke out.

Okay, school is starting soon, so I think it would be a good idea to put some school jokes in. Here they are:

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of               Pupil: Life imprisonment!

You think you’re a genius, eh? Try this test!

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.
Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.

Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System circa 1750. Prove your thesis. Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.) Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question. Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision. Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand. Mathematics: Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s. Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until you work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes. Metaphysics: Describe in detail the probable nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis. Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Rameses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate. Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any. Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. Extra Credit: Define the universe, and give three examples.

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Posted by on August 22, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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