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Summer quotes, summer funnies, summer everything!

28 Aug

A life without love is like a year without summer.
~ Swedish Proverb

All your renown is like the summer flower that
blooms and dies; because the sunny glow which
brings it forth, soon slays with parching power.
~ Dante Alighieri

To see the Summer Sky
Is Poetry, though never in a Book it lie –
True Poems flee.
~ Emily Dickinson

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm’d;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee
.                                                                    ~ Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare

Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day?
A: I’m bacon!

Q: What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland?

A:Summer!

One summer afternoon
One summer afternoon, a guy walking along the beach finds a bottle. He pulls out the cork, and a genie appears and tells him he has three wishes. “But,” the genie says, “I have to warn you, whatever you receive, your worst enemy will get twice as much as you.”

“OK,” says the guy, “first, I want ten million dollars.” The genie grants the wish and reminds him that his worst enemy now has twenty million dollars.

“Next wish, I want a thirty-room mansion in the Bahamas.” The genie builds the mansion for him, and lets him know that his worst enemy now has a home twice as big.

“Fine. For the last wish,” the guy picks up a big stick and hands it to the genie, “beat me HALF to death.”

Calling in Sick

A high school had a policy that the parents must call the school if a student was to be absent for the day. Kelly, deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call…

Kelly: “Hi, I’m calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill. Secretary at high school: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll note her absence. Who is this calling?” Kelly: “This is my mother.”

Needless to say, she didn’t pull it off!

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Posted by on August 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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