Funnies: Rosh Hashanah

09 Sep

Happy Rosh Hashana (Jewish head of year) everyone! To celebrate the new year, I am putting in a few non-offensive Jewish jokes. I am Jewish, so I’m laughing at myself. 😉 Here they are:

Yeshiva University’s new rowing team was the embarrassment of the entire sports department (which wasn’t so hot to begin with!) They not only finish dead last in every competition, but consistently cross the finish line many minutes, even hours, after their opponents. Finally, they send Goldfarb to spy on the top-rated Harvard Crew team, in the hopes of gaining some helpful insight. Lurking in the Cambridge boathouse, he watches the team practice in the Charles River. For an entire week he observes their methods. Finally, he returns to New York, where his teammates gather anxiously to hear his information. “I figured out their secret!” he tells them excitedly. “Nu!? Tell us! Tell us!” demand his teammates, impatiently.”They have eight guys rowing,” he pronounces, authoritively.”and only ONE guy yelling!!”

The phone rings at KGB headquarters, sometime in the 1960’s


“Hello, is this KGB?”


“I’m calling to report my neighbor, Hershel Yankovitz is an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood.”

“This will be noted.”

The next day, the KGB sends their hoodlums to Hershel’s tiny house. Out back, in the shed, they violently break every piece of firewood in their search for contraband. They find nothing. Angry and cursing, they leave. Ten minutes later, the phone rings at Herchel’s house.

“Hello, Hersh, did the KGB show up?” “They just left.” “Did they chop up your firewood?” “They certainly did.” “Good. Now it’s your turn to call. My vegetable patch needs plowing.”

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Posted by on September 9, 2010 in Uncategorized


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